Happy Shattering, Everyone! (And Happy Anniversary!)

Today is November 23, 2010.  To some, it’s just another day.  To some, it means getting out of bed, going to work, following the routine.  To my friends south of the border, it’s another day in the countdown to the long weekend.  To my shopping fanatic buddies, it’s one more day toward Black Friday.

To the geeks, however, today is a special day.  Because today is World of Warcraft’s 6th Anniversary.

Today is also the end of the world.

Yes, Patch 4.0.3a goes live today, and that little “a” at the end means that the Shattering has occurred.  We bunked down in the various inns and taverns of Azeroth and Outland last night, content in our belief that we’d fended off yet another elemental invasion, that we’d done our part to secure the safety of our homeland, that the world was protected for one more day.

Oh, we were so wrong.

Today Deathwing has taken to the skies of Azeroth, sundering our beloved world in ways that we cannot even begin to fathom.  Today the tsunamis have drowned Thousand Needles, earthquakes have rocked Darkshore, and mighty caverns have split the Barrens clean down the middle.

Today we log in, and the world as we know it has changed forever.

It’s been an incredible haul the last six years.  Blizzard has given us an experience like no other – a magnificant magic carpet ride through lore and sunderings, through Dark Portals and frozen wastes, and today, another chapter is added in the saga that has gripped the enthralled millions across the globe.

So here’s to you, Blizzard.  Another year, another expansion, another invasion.  Another tier of content, another tier of gear, another notch in your belt.  Thank you for giving us what is arguably the best video game to ever smash through our screens, an experience that has shaped friendships and rivalries across the world, a profound love of babbling fish people, and a true understanding of the might of Chuck Norris.

Geek Is…

Chris Metzen.  The man is a goddamn rockstar.  He opened Blizzcon with an incredible presentation of “Geek Is…” – an examination of the beautiful things of geek life.  After gathering crowd reaction for four powerful geek words – Horde, Diablo, Alliance, and Starcraft – he continued:

But guys, I’m struck by the responses, right?  The power of words.  What I hear, as you respond, I hear passion, I hear energy, I hear identity.  And that’s pretty crazy.

So, I have a fifth word for you guys today, and this may take kind of a detour from the usual Blizzcon type thing.  Gonna go to a very strange space.  I have a word that I want to share with you, and this word can be fairly contentious.  It is a word used in many different parts of speech – colorfully, often.  This dirty little four letter thing, my friends, can make many very uncomfortable.  In some spaces it can be crushing, in others it can be energizing, but as a community of gamers, as a legion of fans, I feel it’s important that we can talk about any topic or term in a mature and adult fashion.

(crowd laughs)

So this word, my friends – as I get out my robo-clicker, boy, I hope this works – are you ready for this word, Blizzcon? 

(cheers)

Are you with me, Blizzcon?

(louder cheers)

The word is this…

(GEEK in huge letters on screen, deafening cheer from crowd)

The power of words!  This word, guys, this word is power, this word is identity!  This is OUR word!

I thought it’d be fun to change it up this year and maybe walk through a few illustrations of what this word means to many of us.  In particular, a few illustrations of what it specifically means to me, and boy, will I be showing my age by rolling some of these slides out.

And guys, periodically, I’m gonna say two words.  I’m gonna say GEEK IS, I’m gonna raise my little robo-clicker, and as I do I want you to repeat with me.  GEEK IS.  Let’s practice.

(crowd yells GEEK IS)

Blizzcon, GEEK IS…

(Transfomers slide, crowd cheers)

Geek is growing up playing with toys so complicated it proved forever that we are, in fact, smarter than our parents.

GEEK IS…

(D20 slide, crowd goes nuts)

Critting on a natural 20.  My friends, I suggest to you, if you haven’t done this with a Vorpal Blade, you haven’t really lived.

GEEK IS…

(Conan slide, super loud cheer)

Crushing your enemies, seeing them driven before you, and hearing the lamentations of their women!  For some of you younger geeks in the audience, that is, in fact, our Govenor.

GEEK IS…

(Captain America slide, lots of cheering)

This guy!  This guy’s shield pinging off Nazi helmets!  Get em, Cap.  The man…

GEEK IS…

(Samurai Showdown slide, cheering)

Leading off with Halmaru’s super-heavy attack in the opening rounds of Samurai Showdown 2.  The greatest fighting game ever made.  Get off me, Street Fighter.

GEEK IS…

(Thundercats slide, crowd goes wild)

Geek is yelling “HO!” really loud before you punk down the bad guys.  (crowd starts yelling “HOOOOOO!”)  How intimidating is that?

GEEK IS…

(Luke Skywalker slide, crowd goes wild)

This guy.  Geek is this guy turning off his targeting computer because he’s FEELIN IT!

GEEK IS…

(Dragons, crowd seemed confused / didn’t recognize this one)

Imagining you can ride dragons and joust across the sky.

GEEK IS…

(Action figures slide, crowd cheers)

Action figures with the kung-fu grip!  Screw your iPod, that’s the greatest technology in the world!

GEEK IS…

(Silhouette of Batman against lightning, crowd cheers)

Geek is Frank Miller reminding us all just how terrifying Batman can really be.  (more cheering at this)

GEEK IS…

(The Matrix slide, loud cheering)

Geek is remember that there is, in fact… (audience finishes)  NO SPOON!

GEEK IS…

(WTF why can’t I remember what anime this one was!)

Considering that it wasn’t just Top Gun that made us want to be fighter pilots as little kids.  Talk to me, Goose.

GEEK IS…

(Spiderman movie slide, crowd cheers)

Learning that with great power, comes great responsibility.  (laughs) Toby…

GEEK IS…

(Doom slide, crowd goes wild)

Geek is actually being terrified during late night Doom 2 sessions.  Remember those scrolling texture map walls with all the faces?  (shudders)

GEEK IS…

(Aliens slide, crowd goes wild)

Geek is giving props to the undisputed baddest chick in the universe.  (lots of cheering)

GEEK IS…

(Thor slide, was it just me or did I hear some groans / laughing?)

Geek is this guy dispensing indiscriminate justice with his magic banner.  That’s why Thrall got one.

GEEK IS…

(Battlestar Galactica slide, crowd goes wild)

Man, we almost didn’t deserve how good that show was.  Geek is learning that home really is where the heart is.  Especially considering your planet just got nuked to kingdom come, so your options on home are really limited.

GEEK IS…

(EverQuest slide, lots of cheering)

Geek is exploring the vast and wondrous lands of EverQuest for the first time with your friends.  And guys, consider, none of us, and none of this, would be here without EverQuest.  Respect must be paid.  (cheering)  I miss Halass…

GEEK IS…

(300 slide, crowd goes wild)

Geek is holding the line against impossible odds.

GEEK IS…

(Night Elf slide, cheering)

Watching the graceful Na’avi running and hunting – (crowd starts laughing) – across the twilight fields of Pandora, yadda, yadda, yadda… (more laughing, cuts to slide from Avatar)  Pardon me, couldn’t resist.

GEEK IS…

(Locutus of Borg, crowd goes wild)

Guys, geek is knowing that resistance is NEVER futile!  Not for heroes anyway.

GEEK IS…

(AD&D DM screen slide, crowd kinda cheers but sounds confused)

For those of you who do not recognize the image, it’s the original DM screen from AD&D back in the day.  (crowd cheers)  MEGA.  Guys, geek is sitting around a table with your best friends, armed only with graph paper and some funny dice.  (more cheering)  And imagining far flung worlds of your own.  (more cheering)  My favorite slide…

GEEK IS…

(The One Ring, crowd goes wild)

Geek is the near-perfect cinematic realization of the story that started it all.  Mr. Jackson, wherever you are today, we thank you.

GEEK IS…

(Star Wars logo, crowd goes wild)

I’m gonna break this down.  Guys, geek is watching your kids look at Star Wars for the first time… I’m chokin up… and wondering if it will transform their little imaginations like it did yours.  (lots of cheering)  Star Wars, y’all.

GEEK IS…

(Superman, crowd goes wild)

Geek is believing that the reason we love these characters, these worlds, these products, and a thousand more like them, is because there is a hero inside every one of us, waiting to come forward.  Hammy as it sounds, my friends, I believe that with everything I’ve got.  And I hope, by some extension, you feel that in our games.

Because I can’t think of anything better to do on a cold December night than standing outside the local brick and mortar for a midnight release…

DECEMBER 7.

CATACLYSM.

CATACLYYYYYYYSSSSSSSSSMMMMMMMMM.

CAT-A-CLY-SM.

Not only am I marking my calendar, I’m telling Mr. Long Suffering (also known as Jeff, the better half) that I don’t want to go to work on December 7.  This isn’t as easy as it sounds.  My better half also happens to be my boss.

I plan to hit up midnight release at Best Buy Langley, which is just down the hill from my house and, last year, was home to WoW Jeopardy (which I lost by 2 points), Monty Python-esque duelling matching, and copious amount of coffee, Timbits, and Pepsi.  Oh, and oogling of my Hunter’s Mark tattoo, which I proudly showed off after my friend Darryl told everyone in earshot about it.

It was also colder than an Eskimo’s nutsack, but hey, it’s all good.  I can suck it up for one night.

We waited 5 hours in the November cold (which, in BC, is nothing compared to you folks back East… I applaud your dedication) for our Collector’s Editions of Wrath of the Lich King, and I fully intend to do the same for Cataclysm, if only because Best Buy won’t open until 9:00 Tuesday morning and I want to have 9 hours of bleeding-eyeball goodness on those who actually decided to go to bed on Monday night.

I’m serious.  Look at me.  This is my serious face.

December 7, boys and girls.  When the clock strikes midnight, you’ll know where to find me.  And, if all goes well, I’ll still be parked at my computer when I should be getting up to go to work.  I have 2 vacation days left this year, and I know exactly how I want to use them!

Feeding the YouTube Addiction – Movie Trailers

Anybody who knows me, knows that I’m a movie fanatic.  They also know that I rarely have fantastic taste in movies.  For every good one that I love (and there’s a few gems in my list, such as the eternally awesome Se7en and Fight Club), and, more rarely, the good ones I pick out, there is a dismal list of utter failures that Jeff tends to lord over me from time to time.

My criteria for movies tend to be a little skewed.  Is it based on a comic book or video game franchise?  Then yes, I want to see it – even if I KNOW it will suck monkey balls (CHUN LI I’M LOOKING AT YOU).  Does it feature a lot of really cool scenes of shit blowing up in slow motion?  Is it a sequel of a movie I really loved?  Is it based on the works of a skewed, underappreciated, or generally warped author?  Is it generally just really really pretty with some wicked CGI?  Count me in on all of the above.

However, what REALLY gets me is trailers.  I’m a trailer maniac.  I LOVE TRAILERS.  Half the time I want to go to new releases in theatres because I just want to see trailers for new shows.  I OBSESS OVER THEM.  And, if a trailer features really really good music (bonus points if it’s a band I love), then chances are I’m going to obsess even more.

Take 2007′s “Invasion”, starring Nicole Kidman and “nom nom Daniel Craig”.  I had zero interest in seeing the body-snatchers remake until I saw the extended trailer featuring “Untitled 8″ from the Sigur Ros ( ) album.  Also in 2007, “30 Days of Night” featured the incredible song “Apocalypse Please” by my beloved Muse.  Recently, trailers for “The Adjustment Bureau”, starring Matt Damon, featured the absolutely amazing “Adagio in D Minor” by John Murphy, a song that was written for the stunning sci-fi thriller “Sunshine” and was also featured in the best scene of “Kickass”.

So yes, music sells me.  BIG TIME.

The reason I touch on this is that, last night, I discovered the trailer for “Legend of the Guardians”, a CGI movie based on the young adult fantasy series, “Owls of Ga’Hoole”.  Not only was it a terrific book series, it looks like the animation alone will make it an incredible movie.  AND, the trailer features “Kings and Queens” by 30 Seconds to Mars.

Which, of course, got me into the “OMG LET’S LOOK FOR MORE TRAILERS ON YOUTUBE” mode, which resulted in me being up way too late and contributed to being late for work this morning (shout out to Jess, my assistant manager, who tolerates my oddness and geek-screaming.  hi Jess!).

So what else did I find?

Centurion

I’d not even heard a BREATH about this movie.  It looks like 300 meets King Arthur and a bit of Robin Hood.  It’s bloody.  I like bloody.  It came out in April of 2010, so chances are I might even be able to find it.  Why should geeks care about this movie?  Well, the main character is played by Michael Fassbender, who is no stranger to geek fandom – he played Stelios in “300″, had a bit of a part in “Inglourious Basterds”, and is playing Magneto in the upcoming “X-Men: First Class”.  Also, Director Neil Marshall is the awesome writer / director who brought us “Doomsday”, which I argue is one of the best movies EVAR.  Eden Sinclair MROW.

Red

Go from that, to this:

Let’s begin by saying that I love Bruce Willis.  I LOVE HIM.  I also love Morgan Freeman, and I love John Malkovich in the “yeah, I still love my crazy, weird Uncle” sort of way.  So needless to say, this movie will be fucking awesome.

Solomon Kane

Did anybody actually ever see this movie?  It’s like VanHelsing… but with a mercenary turned puritan instead.

Yes, I know it’s probably terrible.  But it has glowy demon things and sword and gunfighting.  And I think I may have to watch it for that.

Oh yes, and let’s not forget our favorite model turned actress turned official zombie-killing mascot…

Okay.  So “Resident Evil” screams into theatres in 2002 (god, was it really that long ago?) and it was AWESOME.  Seriously, who didn’t love the scene with Alice going Chuck Norris on the turned Dobermans?  Yes.  YES.  Then, “Resident Evil: Apocalypse” came out in 2004 and it was good.  I mean, not overwhelming, but it was good.  “Resident Evil: Extinction” ventured out in 2007 and felt… painful.  I mean, I LIKED it, but I didn’t LOVE it by any means, and mostly it made me sad.

Now Alice is fucking BACK BABY.  She is BACK and she is HOT and she is KILLING STUFF.  And it totally makes up for the fact that Ali Larter is in it because even though she drove me nuts in “Heroes”, Milla is AWESOME ENOUGH TO CANCEL THAT OUT.  And “Resident Evil: Afterlife” will kick our faces in on September 10, 2010.  CAN’T.  WAIT.

But, really, the one trailer that has me drooling on my keyboard is none other than:

SUCKER PUNCH

JESUS.  And by that I mean Zack Snyder.  Is there anything this man can’t do?  He brings us “Dawn of the Dead” and we love him.  He brings us “300″ and we adore him.  He brings us “Watchmen” and we lay our first borns down at his feet.  And don’t forget they also just announced “Xerxes”, too, as well as “Army of the Dead”.  And now, he brings us “Sucker Punch”, and I’m about ready to… I don’t know.  Do something seriously creepy stalker-ish to him, because I’m that fucking revved about this movie.

What’s seriously awesome about Sucker Punch is it doesn’t even TRY for reality, because it doesn’t HAVE to.  It is every shade of awesome, from dragons to samurais to strippers to chain guns, all in the surreal mind of a girl committed to a mental institution.  It’s a modern, warped, black-fantasy fairy tale and I’m literally drooling about every goddamn aspect of it.

Sucker Punch will kick theatres in the nuts March 25, 2011, and you can be sure I’ll be camped out for my tickets on opening night.

Aaaaaaand… that’s it for me for now.  I was tempted to throw in my take on “The Human Centipede”, but while I was kind of morbidly interested in the movie, I watched the trailer and now have ZERO interest in actually seeing this sick son of a bitch.

Oh, and in before “OMG U LEFT OUT SAW 3D”, because goddammit, yes, I’m going to see the movie, and that’s only because 5 and 6 killed everything left of that franchise and I’M NOT HAPPY ABOUT IT BUT I WANT TO KNOW WHAT HAPPENED TO DR. GORDON.  Just tell me already so my poor beloved franchise can die in peace (though Chester Bennington is in this one so I guess the fangirl in me can squee a little)…

Oh, and this.

I’m not sure whether to laugh or cry.  But chances are I’ll end up watching it.  Don’t ask me why.  It may have something to do with Jessica Alba.  Or motorcycles with machine guns.  Or something.  I dunno.  DON’T JUDGE ME.

Until next time, geeks!

When I can’t think of something amazing, I usually look to Twitter for inspiration.

Kevin Smith, ladies and gentlemen.

I’ll say this again:  before you waste your time reading what folks who had NOTHING to do with a movie you love have to say about it?  Recall that these are the same fools who shouted down FIGHT CLUB & called it a failure when it didn’t make bank.  They decried FIREFLY and MALLRATS.  Mercifully, the pedantic assholes of this world only get a weekend to carve you up with their long, sharp knives.  And the shit they say?  I can attest to this truth:  not even the filmmaker remembers what they write & say.  But the work itself?  In this case, PILGRIM?  It enters Valhalla – where it’s celebrated religiously for the very audience it was intended:  whoever it SPEAKS to.  15 years later, when I say “Rats was a flop…” people say “It was?  But I had it on video.”  Nobody remembers or cares what it made; all they care about it was it MEANS to them.  So embrace & enjoy a movie that was so obviously crafted with insane affection for its audience.  Quit worrying about what the dumb kids say.

(discussing the Scott Pilgrim vs. The World on Twitter)

I don’t have much more to say than that.